She Wasn't Ready

I’m not ready to write this.  While it has always been my intention to pen my story, I imagined that I would do it from a place of mastery, authority, or some sort of reputable platform.  I thought it more appropriate to share my journey having arrived at a concrete destination.  After all, the ‘underdog narrative’ is only as good as its triumphant ending.  Well, I’ve not yet reached my end and I am just starting to gain traction as a credible writer.  It is with this in mind that my ego rails against the notion of exposing myself at this juncture.  Still, I recognize that this is the very reason that I must.

I do not have the benefit of hindsight to color this experience with rose-colored tint.  I am not some wise sage or all-knowing guru with the answer on how to “do life” or realize ones dreams. What I am is a woman with a passion for words and humanity, and a talent for recognizing, articulating, and stimulating greatness in others.  While I’ve spent the better part of my life desperately trying to suppress this inclination, I have recently decided, albeit reluctantly, to surrender to it.  This blog is the account of that surrender, in real time, as I embark upon this path toward passion and purpose.

I should caution that this journey is no cake walk.This is not the place for your weekly affirmation.  It is a constant tug of war between ego and purpose, optimism and practicality, complete confidence and debilitating insecurity that can be utterly maddening.  At the center of this narrative is a conscious decision, made daily, to give dominance to that inner voice that pushes toward a destination, for which I have no road map or GPS, only an internal compass that operates solely on faith.  On occasion, I happen upon a landmark, a win, or some tangible indicator that lets me know I’m on the right path.

As I sit in this coffee house at the London St. Pancras train station awaiting my second meeting with a prominent British Music Journalist to discuss a freelance assignment and potential partnership opportunity, I recognize this as one of those moments.  I take a deep breath giving mental inventory to the miraculous sequence of events, provision, platforms, and opportunities that have unfolded to sustain me since forgoing my secure rung on the corporate ladder nearly one year ago.  I have learned to carefully document and savor these instances for reference and encouragement during the murkier periods of this journey.

My train from London to Paris will be departing in two hours and I see myself as one of those blissful characters inside of a snow globe surrounded by beautiful scenery. I am living inside of the vision that I have journaled, prayed, meditated, snipped out of magazines, and pasted onto vision boards.  I am fully present here, recognizing  at any moment my world can be shaken up and spun into a blizzard.  I gain my composure noticing my host quickly approaching as if in a hurry.  I stand to greet him, mentally coaching myself, "Alright Naomi…act like you’ve been here before."
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